My Turkey (2): Mugla’s miracle

A breakthrough discovery, according to which the town of Mugla (Turkey) is the only place on Earth where in the past people used to live extremely long lives, became immediately viral. Indeed, now it is finally beyond doubt that hundreds of years before people usually lived up to almost 700 years long. According to a team of researchers, the phenomenon suddenly stopped around twenty years ago. Nobody knows why Mugla’s citizens cannot enjoy a longer life than the rest of humans anymore. [Double click on each photo to enlarge it]

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According to the images we received, the deceased lived between 648 and 673 years each, with an average life of 659.8 years. The oldest person the journalist was able to find was a woman (see the photo above), who died when she was 673 years old.

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A joint team of archaeologists and physicians started to study the corpses in order to find out why these people lived such a long life. According to M.K., the chief of the medical team, they already have positive results. ‘We discovered a unique genetic mutation’, he declared to a local TV station. ‘We do hope than in less than one year we will be able to make a vaccine which will enable Mugla’s residents to live longer lives once again’, he further announced. The biggest problem is that the vaccine has positive results only on Mugla Province’s territory, the doctor underlined, and the scientists cannot explain the causes for such a physical limitation yet.

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However, if the medical team succeeds in its endeavour, there will be terrible consequences, according to some academics. ‘Politically speaking, there are two major implications’, a professor in political science at Mugla’s state university, who preferred to remain anonymous, declared later this evening. ‘If the medical team succeeds in its attempt, then the first implication is on Turkey’s main political scene. Simply put it, the government should make long-term plans for the future, since the electorate in Mugla will live considerably longer’. According to the same academic, the second political implication will be devastating: ‘Even if touristic activities will surely benefit in the beginning, we might expect a large wave of immigration from reach Western countries to Mugla, since people will naturally want to live longer.’ Indeed, right-wing politicians have already plans to build a 5-meters high wall around the Mugla province, while local NGOs already established some refugee camps and hope they will be able to provide future refugees from Western Europe and the United States water, food and shelter.

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A team of investigators from the Guinness World Records is reportedly preparing to come to Mugla to further analyse the case. After the new appointed Cuban Ambassador to the United States has been immediately and unexpectedly recalled to Havana, President Obama declared on NBC that an extraordinary meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the National Security Council has been scheduled for tomorrow morning in order to analyse this situation’s consequences for United States’ security concerns and foreign policy. Some universities world-wide also allocated funds for academic research on the amazing possibilities this discovery may have on military uses.

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‘We now have the opportunity to finally empirically prove that God exists’, the World Council of Religious Leaders declared in a press release. ‘Science is just the root of all evils’, the statement further underlines (mocking Richard Dawkins, who refused to comment on the topic unless he is paid ‘damn well’). The only religious leader missing the important meeting was Dalai Lama. He allegedly declared that now it’s finally time to ‘kiss [his] ass and say goodbye’. The Chinese government rejoiced and is currently preparing the greatest ‘Chinese New Year’ celebration ever.

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Meanwhile, Ahmet is smoking his water pipe in the old, historical quarter of Mugla. His is upset: ‘This means that now we will have to work for hundreds of years till we retire, right? Not cool. Not cool at all’, he added before drinking his tea.

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